November 10th, 2004

Time: 08:34 pm Current Mood: crushed

yesterday i went outside with my mamas mason jar caught a lovely butterfly when i woke up today looked in on my fairy pet she had withered all away no more sighing in her breast im sorry for what i did i did what my body told me to i didnt mean to do you harm everytime i pin down what i think i want it slips away your ghost slips away smell you on my hands for days i cant wash away your scent if im a dog then youre a bitch i guess youre as real as me maybe i can live with that maybe i need fantasy life of chasing butterfly im sorry for what i did i did what my body told me to i didnt mean to do you harm everytime i pin down what i think i want it slips away her ghost slips away i told you i would return when the robin makes his nest but i aint ever comin back im sorry im sorry im sorry ----- I'm sorry to you, to him, to everyone.... I never meant to hurt anyone.... maybe someday you'll forgive me. I hope... please try to realize this is for the best. Life isn't always great and mine right now, isn't but to you and him... I deserve that. I'll smile.... but it wont matter. Just someday.... - Sarah

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October 4th, 2004

Current Music: Kelly Clarkson - Break Away Subject: 1,2,3..... life continues Time: 09:28 pm Current Mood: enthralled

Grew up in a small town, And when the rain would fall down, I'd just stare out my window. Dreaming of what could be, And if I'd end up happy, I would pray. Try not to reach out, But when I tried to speak out, Felt like no-one could hear me. Wanted to belong here, But something felt so wrong here. So I'd pray, I could break away. I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky, And I'll make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun, But I won't forget all the ones that I love. I'll take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Wanna feel the warm breeze, Sleep under a palm tree, Feel the rush of the ocean, Get onboard a fast train, Travel on a jetplane, Faraway, and break away. I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky, And I'll make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun, I won't forget all the ones that I love. I've gotta take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Buildings with a 100 floors, Swinging aroundrevolving doors, Maybe I don't know where they'll take me. But I gotta keep moving on moving on, Fly away, break away. I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, Tho its not easy to tell you goodbye. Gotta take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun, But I won't forget the place I come from. I've gotta take a risk, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Break away, break away Good place right now... except for the ungreatful colorguard that I have.... grrr but seeing him makes everything better :) Schools good, homes okay... grounded for a bit but eh, I still see him. Later!

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August 3rd, 2004

Current Music: Yellowcard - One year, six months Subject: Zorro..................... o o o o o o hah Time: 01:57 pm Current Mood: annoyed

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret So I will not forget. I will not forget How this felt one year six months ago I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do Follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that I can share with you I can tell that you don't know me anymore It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget And being on this road is anything but sure Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do Follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that I can share with you So many nights, legs tangled tight Wrap me up in a dream with you Close up these eyes, try not to cry All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you Memories of you Memories of you Memories of you I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do Follow me there A beautiful somewhere A place that we can share Falling into memories of you and things we used to do Whose your captain?! That's right, me! Man I'm so freaking tired though. I hate it sometimes but I love it!! I do I do!! I have a funny tan line and I'm not sure I'll even everything out, oh well. Why is it when I try to relax and get some sleep and the phone rings? WHY?!! Why me... all I want is to eat, sleep, shower and then go have some fun. :) Past weekend was fun. Now I'm just rambling, later! - Sarah

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July 28th, 2004

Current Music: Marching Music of "Mask of Zorro" Subject: Wondering Time: 09:58 pm Current Mood: confused

So confused and I'm wondering what I should do... I have practice tomorrow and I doubt I will be captain so major upsetion there. Yes that is a real word. mmm only a few more days till band. What fun.... not - Sarah

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July 24th, 2004

Current Music: Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated Time: 12:02 pm Current Mood: loved

Hope dangles on a string Like slow spinning redemption Winding in and winding out The shine of it has caught my eye And roped me in So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing I am captivated, I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself So clear Like the diamond in your ring Cut to mirror your intention Oversized and overwhelmed The shine of which has caught my eye And rendered me So isolated, so motivated I am certain now that I am Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself So turn Up the corners of your lips Part them and feel my finger tips Trace the moment, fall forever Defense is paper thin Just one touch and I'd be in Too deep now to ever swim against the current So let me slip away So let me slip against the current So let me slip away Vindicated I am selfish I am wrong I am right I swear I'm right I swear I knew it all along And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself My hope dangles on a string Like slow spinning redemption... ---- Eh not to much, just alittle confused but what else is new? I don't want to start band, I hate it. I really do. I miss ASP and Vindicated makes me think of the amazing ASHELY!! The other night, Laura came over because I was needing some to talk too and I'm so glad I can always count on her to be there for me. Even if I'm crying and feeling sorry myself when I have a few guys at the pick of my hand. I'm going to miss Nikki, I wish she wasn't moving. ::sigh:: I don't know about Emily and Heather, things seem better but I guess I'll never be the other bestfriend too much. Ya know what I mean? Yeah well yesterday was a nice day :) All smiles there!! Met some new people and had fun. Later everyone! Hope everyone is good - Sarah

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July 19th, 2004

Current Music: Hoobastank - Lucky Subject: Sweeeet!! Time: 12:23 am Current Mood: sleepy but very happy

Ahhh!! I'm back!! did you all miss me? Of course you did. Okay, so I will start of with.............. those were right and I was wrong. I had an amazing time on ASP, once again. No not just because of Ryan but just because I felt at ease. I didn't have to worry about medications or therapy or anything. I could just let myself work things out with others just smiling at me. Some smiling at me because they like to look at me :) At the beginning I will admit I was very pushy and didn't even want to consider having a good time but I'm glad Heather and Emily took my stuff and put it in their room on Saturday night. It was such an amazing trip and I will never never ever ever forget it. To build something from the floor up, is just an experience I hope everyone gets to feel. The feel of completion because of hard work and love, especially with Christ. mmm there was much love between everyone and I'm so glad I went and got to "re-know" everyone. Especially lots of the other people that I got to know <3 eeee! I'm hjappy and even though I'm so tired I am still wide awake. I can't stop thinking but some stuff does just run-n-out of my mind. Well the van ride home today was awesome and even though I doubt any of us were all that comfy, it was still wonderful. <3 Sarah BLANKET FACE!! MEEEEETING UNDER THE BLANKET!!!

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July 8th, 2004

Time: 10:07 pm Current Mood: I don't want to go!!!!!!

Okay so I don't know what is up with me. One minute I'm smiling and la de fucking da then the next I'm crying........... I have no clue. I don't want to go to morrow..... save me please or else i'll kill myself on this trip

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July 7th, 2004

Current Music: Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss Subject: Broken Time: 10:16 pm Current Mood: depressed

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind Until the night He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger And finally drank away her memory Life is short but this time it was bigger Than the strength he had to get up off his knees We found him with his face down in the pillow With a note that said I'll love her till I die And when we buried him beneath the willow The angels sang a whiskey lullaby The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath She finally drank her pain away a little at a time But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind Until the night She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger And finally drank away his memory Life is short but this time it was bigger Than the strength she had to get up off her knees We found her with her face down in the pillow Clinging to his picture for dear life We laid her next to him beneath the willow While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.... I don't want to keep going anymore.... I want to get away, far away.... so tired of crying and I can barely see straight my eyes keep burning. I want all this pain to go away, and I don't care what the cost is. I'm so tired... and to worn out.

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July 1st, 2004

Current Music: Moulin Rouge - Your Song Subject: Kitty Love Time: 03:20 pm Current Mood: excited

Mmm... Long time since I've written in this thing. Well lets see Devin and I are over, once again. Sad I know, but who knows? I leave tomorrow with my bestfriend Kristen for San Antonio!! I know it wont be as "distracting" as last time, but still! It's going to rock. Then I leave for ASP and I'm excited! I loved it so much last year but I'm still having some doubts about everything. Then again who knows? Now are you ready for the best part? I might go to Canada!! How awesome would that be? I think it would be tight! The kids I baby-sit their parents have this lake house up there and they want me to come hang out for like a week in Canada. I'm so happy about it! I've never been out of the Country well I saw Canada from a mountain in Washington, but that's not the same. Ah I'm so excited! Also when they move to Austin, I get to go spend weekends with them and hang out with Matt, in college!! Haha!! <3 Sarah

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May 2nd, 2004

Current Music: Josh Grorban - When You Say You Love Me Subject: Hello's and Good-Bye's Time: 08:30 pm Current Mood: tired

Like the sound of silence calling, I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling, lost in a dream. Like the echoes of our souls are meeting, You say those words and my heart stops beating. I wonder what it means. What could it be that comes over me? At times I can't move. At times I can hardly breath. When you say you love me The world goes still, so still inside and When you say you love me For a moment, there's no one else alive You're the one I've always thought of. I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love. You're where I belong. And when you're with me if I close my eyes, There are times I swear I feel like I can fly For a moment in time. Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth , And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words. When you say you love me The world goes still, so still inside and When you say you love me For a moment, there's no one else alive And this journey that we're on. How far we've come and I celebrate every moment. And when you say you love me, That's all you have to say. I'll always feel this way. When you say you love me The world goes still, so still inside and When you say you love me In that moment,I know why I'm alive When you say you love me. When you say you love me. Do you know how I love you? Such a beautiful song... I swear I fell in love with it when I heard Chris sing it. Not because he sang it, but because of the extreme emotion in it. I love songs like that. That don't talk about the booty or the drugs or something that isn't to "real". Well moving on... today was Senior Sunday. First time I had actually been there in awhile but to some, I guess they'd rather have me gone. I don't know. I mostly came to hear Steph's speech and then to try and work things out with two great people. Though, not everything goes as planned. Not only do I have to say goodbye to my sister that God forgot to give me, but I have to say farewell to two wives. I guess I will en-lighten you alittle. Heather - At first this girl and I hated each other, but now we love each other so much! We've been best friends since 7th grade and we still are. I don't think anyone truely knows how crazy I can get cept for her. We fight all the time but we always come out, together. I never get to spend much time with her but every moment I share with her, I cherish. She's my princess, and that's how I want it to be forever. I don't know how I could live without her and I love her as if she was my sister. She so's amazing. Through everything she's been through, she still comes out in the end. She's sort of my hero, which alot of people will think is crap but it's true. She makes up a huge part of me... Emily - My other bestfriend from 7th grade and she still is. She also one of the only other people who know how crazy I really can be. She's so sweet and pure that she's my angel. I'm thankful that God sent me her. Sure she and I fight, but we make it. If I lost her, I don't know what I would do. I love her like a sister. She's so beautiful and so brave. My life wouldn't be complete without her... Steph - My shooting star and my sister God forgot to give me. She has been there for me ever step of the way for the past 2 years. Even when we were in fights, if I needed her, she was there. We're there for each other 24/7 and some times, I don't see how I've made it this far if she hadn't walked into my life. I don't think I could be half the person I am, without her. I love her so much and I never want to lose her. After all, she is the reason that I can breathe and stand on my own two feet. She's leaving soon but it's not forever. I'm going to miss her... She helps me see when I'm blind. She taught me so much about life. I don't know how I could live without her... - Sarah

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April 28th, 2004

Current Music: Yellowcard - Empty Apartment Subject: New Time: 06:02 pm Current Mood: blank

Waking up, From this nightmare. How's your life? Whats it like there? Is it all? What you wanted it to be? Does it hurt? When you think about me? And how broken my heart is... Take you away, From that empty apartment. You stay, And forget where the heart is. Someday, If ever you love me. You'd say, It's ok... Its ok to be angry, And never let go. It only gets harder, The more that you know. When you lonely, If noones around. You know that i'll catch you, When your falling down. We came together, But you left alone. And I know how it feels, To walk out on your own. Maybe someday, I'll see you again. You'll look into my eyes, And call me your friend. Great song and it fits right now. I really miss some certain people in my life. My angel and my sista-friend. I know I'm going to miss my shooting star... *sigh* but that's how life goes. Everything happens for a reason. Well so, I got a LJ. I don't know how long it will work out between us, cause I do believe my true love is Xanga. Wow that's patehtic hah. Whatevah... Later - Sarah

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